Sunday, November 7, 2010

This was a dream I had this morning. You can probably guess right off the top of your head what it's about.
But that's not why it's important to me.
Read it and maybe you'll find out.

Wondering Alive

I remember...A festival...
I was walking down a street....
Then, for some reason, I entered a restaurant.
I sat at a table and glanced around.
She...
The girl from my dreams...
She looked into my eyes and said...
"I know all of your flaws. All of the things that make you bad.
But...there's something that I want to say to you
."
I was puzzled, confused, and...happy when she spoke to me.
The fact that, even after all of that, she still had something to say...
It made me nervous, it did. The thought of what it could be scared me.
But...At the same time, what she could've said gave me hope...
All of a sudden, I appeared in the street...walking aimlessly.
...And then, I remembered.

I ran towards the restaurant and entered, but she wasn't there.
I frantically searched for her...
I entered a store...Meandering aimlessly until I reached the back door which was strangely propped open.
Outside, was a truck...That was giving stuff away.
All you had to do was make a face to the man in the back of the truck.
There was several people around the truck...Megan....Cody....Probably Bryan...Mmm, strange, I can't remember more.
By the time I got there, all he had left was...A pound bag of squash....?
A huge bag of potatoes....Vegetables...
And a small bag which contained one fat lumped odd looking C-Chip cookie.
The chips reminded me of...Well, me. So I pointed at it.
I made the face of me...Smiling so hard that it stretched my neck and cheeks, made my neck tendons stand out and tried to make the widest smile I could
He laughed and gave me the cookie bag...And then complained about what the hell he was going to do with squash.
...
He was a odd fellow.

Near the back door of the store, was a bunch of people who I had trapped outside because I had closed Steven and Eric were trying to break it down.
Suddenly, the door creaked open.
It was...her friend I believe...
I asked her if she knew where...she was...Over and over.
I was still trying to get to her. Because...Do I even know now? I wonder...
I woke up slightly, I remember seeing my room and then falling back asleep.
I asked her one last time, if this was just all a dream, if this was really true.
She...told me yes.
That what I had all experienced wasn't a lie.
I followed her...Out of the building. And I kept following her, because I hoped...That maybe...
Just maybe, I could see her again....
And then I woke up....
I never got to hear what she had to say in the end...
Perhaps I'll hear it the next time...
But...
What would I hear?

I guess I'll just have to keep wondering.
Maybe I'll never find out in this life.

4 comments:

  1. This is why I hate dreams, theyre full of lies. Theyre a tease of our own reality and perception.

    Keep your head held high, its the only way to go. Let the things in your past just fly away, let go of them. Theyre the things that hold you back, and wont let you move forward.

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  2. I love the few dreams I have. The lack of sleep over the years have left me with very little continuous...well, sleeping. I usually wake up in 6 hours, then lay in bed for the next 3 or so in a state of half consciousness.

    You have to understand, it's not that I hate these dreams or...thoughts I guess(Well, I do. But..)To me...They're another experience. Whether it's sorrow or pain due to longing or some other crap, I just sort've...Take it in now.
    I hold it in, and to be honest...
    The pain feels kinda nice.
    The lingering feeling reminds me of a lot of things.
    It reminds me that I'm alive, and that this life I'm living isn't a hallucination.
    It reminds me that what I've spent minutes, hours, days, months, and years trying to ignore or hide will always be waiting.
    And finally, it reminds me that I still have a heart there. A very persistant piece of crap that fills me with hope. And even right now, days, weeks have past by since then. And I still have that stupid hope...
    I know I'm hopeless.
    And I...believe beyond all doubt that it's hopeless.
    But....What can I say?
    I'm sitting here writing on a computer that it's hopeless because I want myself to believe that it is. Because the hope that I have is so little, so false, so stupid, so mind-blowing insane....But it's hope. And it's driving me mad.
    How can anyone do this?
    I'm either lying to myself so hard that I'm entirely deluded...Or
    NO! It's the hope! It wants me to think!
    It wants me to believe that there's still some chance.
    Some chance that will never come.
    No no no no no no no!
    I WILL NOT!
    I CAN NOT!
    I gah fuck it.
    I'm....Done.

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  3. Just keep calm and smoke weed.

    xD

    No srsly, calm down. Its just life, we're all in this together.

    ReplyDelete